Three C’s of a Healthy Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful experience once it is entered in with two people who love each other, and is willing to keep the love alive.  Here are my three (3) C’s of a healthy marriage.

Compromise

Healthy marriages require partners having an attitude of give and take. When it comes to compromise; out of love, you put aside your wants and consider your partner’s wants first. This will only work in the favor of the marriage, if both partners keep this concept at the forefront of their minds and act up on it. Sharing “one flesh” doesn't mean sharing one brain. As such, there will be disagreements as you are two different people. So, for the sake of being able to boast of having a healthy marriage partners must learn the skill of compromise.

To strengthen the marriage, openly discuss your problems and fix them. Many can be fixed with compromise.

Christ-centeredness

I say this without apology; it is extremely difficult to have a healthy marriage without Christ at the center. In order to have Him at the center Husband and Wife must have Him in their lives personally. The sinful human flesh is unsurprisingly selfish.We are inclined to think about our personal best interest first. Sadly, our selfishness is a killer in relationships. For marriages to work we must be willing to put our partners needs above our own. That is an essential part of unconditional love.

We definitely need Jesus at the center of our relationship, to help us get rid of our selfish nature. No matter how we use every trick available to us for motivation, removing selfishness from our lives is not something we can do by ourselves. For the success story we must surrender our lives to God, sounds strange? This secret is THE powerful truth. With Christ in our individual hearts, a strong connection to the family altar, learning to love like Him, selflessness will definitely be achieved. 

Communication

Obvious? It should be. However, it’s worthy to emphasize. Solid communication builds successful marriages. Listening is an important skill of communication to learn. It’s easy to find good talkers, and difficult to find good listeners. Within marriage, you are sharing your lives together. Communication is the backbone of keeping your spouse closest to you. You should be able to go to your partner openly and talk about any and everything. To give the confidence to your partner for him/her to talk to you freely, you must intently listen when they speak.

Hearing is a passive, natural physical process. Listening is hard because it is much more than hearing. It is a conscious choice, it requires concentration to really understand what the other party is saying, catching the meaning fully.

Certainly I have not exhausted the C’s of a healthy marriage. But this is the start hubby and I are working on.

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Money Matters in Relationship

Even if we ignore it, the fact still remains that money matters in a relationship. So each couple must have productive money conversations throughout their relationship. Money talks are important because money can cause strain on a relationship. This strain can come from varying angles, such as loss of steady income, inequality in earning, too much spending, attitude towards money differ, among other things. These things can lead to arguments and resentment.

Here is what I have learnt so far in my three plus years of marriage, my top three to lessen money conflicts.

1.    Talk Often about Money

Schedule if you must “money talk time”. Treat this aspect of your relationship like a business. Talk about everything in detail. How much income each person is making, how much each person is allowed to spend without consulting with your partner, who pay what bills, how much to spend on entertainment etc.

Come to a conclusion about what works for your relationship and stick to it. This might not be the most pleasant conversation but it is necessary. You’ll be thankful later.

2.    Financial Infidelity

This is hiding debt, purchases and secret accounts from your significant other.  Doing this breaks down the trust and intimacy in the relationship. Be open about everything in your relationship. Money matters definitely should be an open topic.

3.    Spend Money to Enjoy Each Other

Ever so often, budget some of the money for distressing purposes. Use it for romantic dinners, concerts, taking the children to new places, etc. Spend the money to create lasting memories, than on material things that won’t last forever. Happiness is found during the experiences and long after when reflecting on the memory.

Please share with me how you deal with money in your relationship to lessen money conflicts.

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Dating with children: Part 3 (Final ) Striking a balance

A single parent has a huge responsibility of taking care of their child’s heart when dating. Striking a balance between parenthood and dating should make this responsibility less stressful.

If your priorities are made straight and you are vigilant about keeping them that way, you and the child will be happy and healthy. As an added bonus, you will be displaying role modeling that’s not short on positivity. You will have less damage to both you and the child emotionally. Though the child should come first, don’t forget that you are deserving of happiness too. Balance is the key to this happy medium. The best approach is age appropriateness with being open with your child. Not forgetting to take each step slowly with precaution and thought. This way the transition from being “new friend” to “special friend” should be smoother because by this time your special friend is someone your child doesn't mind having around.

Your behavior around your child must be consistent. Doing so provides the child safety in this hard family transition. Example, if you found it age appropriate to explain the reason for a break up, be extra cautious not to start dating someone again who is similar to your previous love. The search for love can be heart-wrenching, it can also be exciting. However, as the parent you should ensure your child is exposed to much less “heart-wrenching” experiences. For the child it must be fun and safe.

As a single person with no children, you are free to gamble in the love game. But if you are a single parent, toying with your child’s heart is not an option. To achieve the fairy-tale ending to the love story, it must be written slowly, thoughtfully and started with healthy balance between you as the single and you as the parent.

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Dating with children: Part 2 Taking it Slow

Dating with children has so many twists and turns, navigating yourself through them is definitely not promised to be smooth sailing. As such, part two of this three part series speaks on taking things slow.

Understanding might be mutual if both parties have children. However, this should not be assumed. People’s values will differ and as you continue to date this potential mate, the values or lack thereof, will unfold.

Things will get even trickier if the other party has no children. Their learning curve will be steep, plus you will have to go through an adjustment period. The adjustment of always having to arrange a sitter and sitting your child down often enough telling them you are going to have a meal with a“friend” might very well take the spontaneity and heat from the process of dating. But so what if it does?

If it is that you don’t live with your children because of shared custody, use those times away from them to do the exciting and spontaneous things. It is my suggestion that you don’t use the time you have the children to have sleepovers. Things should go even slower with your potential partner if your children do not live with you, as it would be harder for them to share you since they are not around you all the time.

This adjustment I believe should be the driving force to slow you down, causing you to kiss fewer frogs, so that “the one,” will be fully worth it. This keeper will not only be right for you, but the entire family that will be blended.

Remember, you will experience the best of both worlds, if you endeavor to date smart and take things slow.

Dating with Children, Part 1: Putting the Children First

By now if you are following my blogs you will notice I say dating is challenging a lot. Well, the concrete jungle of dating is even more difficult if there are children in the mix. An ingredient that is very important within this dating mix is the consideration of the children’s minds and hearts. 

If you are dating and not looking to get serious; you are just in it to have a good time, the children don’t fully understand this. They are using what they see as a blueprint for the navigation of their own lives. They are using your guide to mould their values, so they need to feel safe with your actions. Your self-conduct while dating is powerful, the models you create shape their behaviour in love and life, from a very young age. 

It is  not a good idea to mix your life as a parent with dating life until the relationship you are in is established, and adequate preparation was done to introduce the new partner to the children. 
At the point of introduction, this new partner should be the only one in the picture. No other potential contenders. Children get easily attached, so their hearts are deeply broken when a partner suddenly leaves and they get confused if someone moves in again too quickly. They are in the dating game with you, plus their experience with the changes could be more devastating than yours. The child is forming new experiences, all your actions and what you introduce them to has an impact, the bad and good. So your unrestrained frog kissing hurts them greatly. As such, I believe the parent and ex-partner should explain age appropriately why they will no longer be together. Maybe the blow to the child could be softened if they understand that the relationship is not working because they are not happy together.

Every single parent would agree that their children must take first priority. However, living up to this is challenging when “love chemicals,” is in play. But, remember your child’s welfare must remain your focus. I am not suggesting giving up dating until the children are fully grown. I am saying happy, healthy children are nurtured by parents who make decisions that are wise. 

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Summer Romance Lessons

The weather is heating up and suddenly you’re starting to feel different; you feel free-spirited and your beauty becomes something you’re just starting to notice. You are taking on a new Philosophy in life; everything this summer will be good!

Because of this new philosophy and new found confidence in your beauty, you feel free, your attitude towards everything will be good and then the unforeseen happens. Here comes the unexpected romance, the new, happier you caught the attention of someone’s eyes. Though unexpected this summer romance might be, it could be a life lesson you need.

Summer kisses are hotter, tastier, giving you a refreshed feeling that sets you aflame! Blink your eyes, that’s how quickly the romance intensifies. The new free spirit you have propels you to live in the moment.

Lesson #1

An unexpected Summer Romance makes you realize that true timeless affection doesn't need a forever promise to be real.

Lesson #2

It opens your eyes to the fact that you are desired and worthy of a lot of attention.

Lesson #3

Given the nature of summer romances (they are short lived), you see the importance of enjoying every moment, making each experience take your breath away. You allow the heat of ecstasy to take over.

Lesson #4

Summer romances make you realize that life is not just about struggles, life can be purely beautiful.

Lesson #5

This one is my personal favourite J you learn to embrace the new person you've become, one who has no worries; a less stressful version of you. That person you should try to hold on to always.

Lesson # 6

Summer romance is a short, beautiful love (or that love feeling) experience. You know it will end quickly, but you have no regrets because this “great love” served its purpose. A memory you will always cherish.

Our long term committed relationships could be so much more beautiful and fulfilling if we apply the lessons we learn from our summer romances; don’t you think? 

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5 Signs you’re in a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships don’t just happen overnight. They require hard work, time and two people who are motivated by their love for each other to achieve a successful healthy relationship. Healthy relationships require so much work, that the following 5 signs of a healthy relationship is just a small percentage of the signs.

Trust

There is really no point in being in a relationship if you can’t trust your partner. Without trust, insecurity will cause slow growth or no growth at all in your relationship. You will spend too much of your time worrying about what your partner is doing. Your willingness to be open and honest with your partner is none existent. And being able to talk freely with your partner is one of the foundations to building an unbreakable relationship.

You Have Disagreements with Little to no Arguments

Disagreements are a must in every relationship, simple because no two people are the same. As such, you will face conflicts. You are in a healthy relationship if when these disagreements arise, there is no loud shouting and going at each other like enemies would.  In a healthy relationship disagreements are dealt with peacefully. 

Freedom to be you

When you are around your partner there should be no need to be someone you are not. If this is the case, the relationship is built on a lie! Healthy relationships foster freedom to be 100% you. No putting on a mask. Bring you to the relationship, so that your partner can really accept your flaws and all.

Individuality is Maintained

In healthy relationships, spending lots of quality time is important because it brings you closer as a couple. Though this is true, there still must be room to maintain individuality. Each partner must still be able to pursue their own dreams, spend time with friends and family or even have alone time etc.  Your partner is in love with who they have come to know, maintain individuality and you are doing your relationship a huge favour.

Clear Open Communication

Beautiful relationships are built on clear open communication. Each partner must clearly state what they want in the relationship and don’t assume that because you have been in the relationship for so long your partner must know how you feel or think about something. This also means being able to talk to your partner about everything and anything without fear, e.g. that what you said would be used against you.

Having a healthy relationship is something that most of us want. Most of us can enjoy a healthy relationship if partners work together equally to accomplish this.

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