Dating with Children, Part 1: Putting the Children First

By now if you are following my blogs you will notice I say dating is challenging a lot. Well, the concrete jungle of dating is even more difficult if there are children in the mix. An ingredient that is very important within this dating mix is the consideration of the children’s minds and hearts. 

If you are dating and not looking to get serious; you are just in it to have a good time, the children don’t fully understand this. They are using what they see as a blueprint for the navigation of their own lives. They are using your guide to mould their values, so they need to feel safe with your actions. Your self-conduct while dating is powerful, the models you create shape their behaviour in love and life, from a very young age. 

It is  not a good idea to mix your life as a parent with dating life until the relationship you are in is established, and adequate preparation was done to introduce the new partner to the children. 
At the point of introduction, this new partner should be the only one in the picture. No other potential contenders. Children get easily attached, so their hearts are deeply broken when a partner suddenly leaves and they get confused if someone moves in again too quickly. They are in the dating game with you, plus their experience with the changes could be more devastating than yours. The child is forming new experiences, all your actions and what you introduce them to has an impact, the bad and good. So your unrestrained frog kissing hurts them greatly. As such, I believe the parent and ex-partner should explain age appropriately why they will no longer be together. Maybe the blow to the child could be softened if they understand that the relationship is not working because they are not happy together.

Every single parent would agree that their children must take first priority. However, living up to this is challenging when “love chemicals,” is in play. But, remember your child’s welfare must remain your focus. I am not suggesting giving up dating until the children are fully grown. I am saying happy, healthy children are nurtured by parents who make decisions that are wise. 

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Summer Romance Lessons

The weather is heating up and suddenly you’re starting to feel different; you feel free-spirited and your beauty becomes something you’re just starting to notice. You are taking on a new Philosophy in life; everything this summer will be good!

Because of this new philosophy and new found confidence in your beauty, you feel free, your attitude towards everything will be good and then the unforeseen happens. Here comes the unexpected romance, the new, happier you caught the attention of someone’s eyes. Though unexpected this summer romance might be, it could be a life lesson you need.

Summer kisses are hotter, tastier, giving you a refreshed feeling that sets you aflame! Blink your eyes, that’s how quickly the romance intensifies. The new free spirit you have propels you to live in the moment.

Lesson #1

An unexpected Summer Romance makes you realize that true timeless affection doesn't need a forever promise to be real.

Lesson #2

It opens your eyes to the fact that you are desired and worthy of a lot of attention.

Lesson #3

Given the nature of summer romances (they are short lived), you see the importance of enjoying every moment, making each experience take your breath away. You allow the heat of ecstasy to take over.

Lesson #4

Summer romances make you realize that life is not just about struggles, life can be purely beautiful.

Lesson #5

This one is my personal favourite J you learn to embrace the new person you've become, one who has no worries; a less stressful version of you. That person you should try to hold on to always.

Lesson # 6

Summer romance is a short, beautiful love (or that love feeling) experience. You know it will end quickly, but you have no regrets because this “great love” served its purpose. A memory you will always cherish.

Our long term committed relationships could be so much more beautiful and fulfilling if we apply the lessons we learn from our summer romances; don’t you think? 

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5 Signs you’re in a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships don’t just happen overnight. They require hard work, time and two people who are motivated by their love for each other to achieve a successful healthy relationship. Healthy relationships require so much work, that the following 5 signs of a healthy relationship is just a small percentage of the signs.

Trust

There is really no point in being in a relationship if you can’t trust your partner. Without trust, insecurity will cause slow growth or no growth at all in your relationship. You will spend too much of your time worrying about what your partner is doing. Your willingness to be open and honest with your partner is none existent. And being able to talk freely with your partner is one of the foundations to building an unbreakable relationship.

You Have Disagreements with Little to no Arguments

Disagreements are a must in every relationship, simple because no two people are the same. As such, you will face conflicts. You are in a healthy relationship if when these disagreements arise, there is no loud shouting and going at each other like enemies would.  In a healthy relationship disagreements are dealt with peacefully. 

Freedom to be you

When you are around your partner there should be no need to be someone you are not. If this is the case, the relationship is built on a lie! Healthy relationships foster freedom to be 100% you. No putting on a mask. Bring you to the relationship, so that your partner can really accept your flaws and all.

Individuality is Maintained

In healthy relationships, spending lots of quality time is important because it brings you closer as a couple. Though this is true, there still must be room to maintain individuality. Each partner must still be able to pursue their own dreams, spend time with friends and family or even have alone time etc.  Your partner is in love with who they have come to know, maintain individuality and you are doing your relationship a huge favour.

Clear Open Communication

Beautiful relationships are built on clear open communication. Each partner must clearly state what they want in the relationship and don’t assume that because you have been in the relationship for so long your partner must know how you feel or think about something. This also means being able to talk to your partner about everything and anything without fear, e.g. that what you said would be used against you.

Having a healthy relationship is something that most of us want. Most of us can enjoy a healthy relationship if partners work together equally to accomplish this.

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5 Signs you’re in a Toxic Relationship

The fact is all relationships are different. I can’t say that too much. Some will flourish and some are toxic and you must get out! They all have their fair share of challenges. But how can you tell you’re experiencing “normal” challenges or you really should get out?! After careful thought, here are my 5 signs of a toxic relationship.

Generally Unhappy

There will be times you feel unhappy about events/situations in your relationship, which is normal. You’re in a toxic relationship if you’re generally unhappy about your relationship even if there is no current situation. You’re always on edge, and tense about when the next conflict will be. If any of this is relatable and then some, you’re in a toxic relationship. It’s time to surf the waves and find your way out.

Thoughts of Cheating

Maybe this is coming from the decreased drama between the sheets. You are no longer attracted to each other and the passion has died, and you think you can only experience this again with someone else. These thoughts might be surfacing because you have met someone who makes you smile again.

If you’re enjoying these thoughts of cheating and really don’t want to get rid of them, or have already acted upon them, your relationship is in deep waters.

No Longer have Fun Together

Those days when you used to play, laugh senselessly over nothing, when you go out onlookers envy what you have are long gone. Now when you go out, you use the time to discuss your relationship problems instead of enjoying each other’s company like you used to.

This is another sign that you are barely keeping your head above water, and your relationship is dying a terrible death of knowing you’re slowly drowning. 

Lost your Drive to Fight for your Relationship

After doing everything you think possible to improve your relationship and nothing is working, because the other partner is not as interested in the relationship as you are. No one should blame you for giving up on the relationship.

If you’re in this mind space, your relationship is definitely sinking.

Thoughts of Killing Them

Yes, I said that out loud.  This right here is a huge sign. Swim, swim, and swim with all your might to get to the shores, before you find yourself tying an anchor to a duffle bag. If you’re planning a detailed step by step on how to scuff the life of your partner; while he/she sleeps get counseling fast! To avoid taking such life changing plunge.

These signs are hard to swallow, especially after investing many years. But if both parties are genuinely want a better story ending, with counseling, Christ at the centre and putting in the hard work your relationship can be fixed. If the best decision is to part, time will heal. Your broken heart can be mended. 

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From a Man’s Perspective: To Our Women

I always joke about returning as a man in my “next life,” I am not a believer in reincarnation but you get my point. Why would I want to do that, I can hear you ask. The answer, my friend, is very simple - I think their lives are far less complicated than women’s.

By all indications, it appears to take very little to make a man happy.  I have identified three basic things that remain true for what men look for in a relationship. These are sex, space and acceptance.

Sex

This might not be number one on all men’s lists, but I believe it definitely falls in the top five. Wives (I say wives, because I believe sex should be only be between married people) our men want the kind of sex that will keep them focused on you.

Naturally men eyes will wander, but if you are having that kind of sex that has love intertwined and you are connected they will notice but not want. He will acknowledge she has a nice body and pretty face but she won’t be worth losing you.

Space

Men need space. When I speak of space I mean time away from you!  Now women don’t freak out, it is perfectly natural for a man to want to be by themselves, hang with friends or time to invest in their own passions/hobbies. Let them have the time to play video games, join in a game of football etc. This is the time they use to clear their minds, unwind, and recharge so they can love you the way you deserve.  

Acceptance

I am learning that it’s after accepting our men just the way they are, for who they are is when we truly love them unconditionally. I gather that our men, no matter how old they are, will always have boyish tendencies. Accept them for who they are, that will be motivation enough to do more to make you happy

Loving our men is not complicated. However, the above three ways on how to, is not the total list.

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From a Woman’s Perspective: To Our Men

To make your woman feel like a queen doesn't mean an overnight shopping spree to Paris or an Audi in her driveway. Well let me correct myself, for the materialistic high maintenance women this is what she requires to feel special and loved. For the low maintenance woman, here are three (3) simple things you can do to make her the queen in your life.

Quality Time

The trip to Paris would be much more fun if she went with you, or drive around in the Audi with you as the driver.  She feels special when you have time for her, not too busy to listen to her rant about her co-worker that just doesn’t stop talking. If she has to fight too hard for this quality time, it means the fight is one sided and only she recognizes that this time is needed for growth in the relationship. Spend quality time together for example; to talk about anything, the more that’s revealed in a relationship the closer you get as a couple.

Compliment Her

We put effort in putting ourselves together; while we should do this for us, we also do it for you. Sometimes we even go the extra mile and make sure our hair is done how you like it, or wear that perfume you love so much. Compliment her; let her know she looks beautiful! Don’t let her get those compliments from others, while she waits wondering when it will come from you.  A compliment tells her you are paying attention, that her efforts are not wasted; it might even say you’re proud that she is yours.

Be a part of Her Life

This means knowing her aspirations and don’t be a bystander, play a role in letting her accomplish them. If she has a hobby, you don’t have to get involved in it with her, if for example you have children, take them and allow her some free time to participate in her hobby. If she is a blogger, read every one of her post and give feedback and even make suggestions for her next post. There is even the option of making goals together and accomplish them as a couple.

Doing these three simple things makes your woman feel like the queen in your life. She will also feel secure in the relationship, because you are investing time, paying attention to her and have plans to be a part of her future since you are involved in her life.

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Single? Perfect!

Singleness is not a death sentence. It can be an exciting trip or a lonely journey. The road you travel on depends heavily on your choices. The best choice is the fun and exciting road. Take these suggestions into consideration to avoid the lonely road. 

Single? Perfect! Use the Time to Explore Who you are

It’s my opinion that this is one of the first things to do while single. Once you know who you are, the difficulty level in knowing the kind of person you would want to date decreases. Identifying the characteristics and personalities that compliment you best is easier.

Be Confident and Brave in Your Singleness

Now that you know much about yourself and the type of partner you want; take action! Tap into your confidence and be brave and ask someone out. In particular females; stop waiting for him to ask you out, just go for it. 

Don’t Block Yourself in a Box

You might very well have a type, the cliché “tall dark and handsome.” Free yourself from the box and be open to other options like a “tall fair and handsome.” Get the point?

Have Fun Being Single

Approach dates positively. Going on the date with negativity about the outcome, is setting up yourself for a negative outcome of the date experience. Once you have a positive attitude; you’ll be more fun to be around, giving you an advantage of being likeable and even irresistible.

Take Dating Mistakes Note  

For example, have issues being on time, make greater efforts to be on time. This could very well be the dating pattern that is unproductive/ a turn off for the dater.

Singles…Please, Never Settle!

The dating scene can be rough. You have date so many people and still can’t find “the one.” Yes this can be very frustrating especially as you get older. BUT it’s better to stay single than settle for someone you are not sure about, because the biological clock is ticking or you’re just tired of being single. Such relationships tend not to last.

Take my advice and enjoy “Singledom”

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