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Thursday, 31 July 2014

Dating with Children, Part 1: Putting the Children First

By now if you are following my blogs you will notice I say dating is challenging a lot. Well, the concrete jungle of dating is even more difficult if there are children in the mix. An ingredient that is very important within this dating mix is the consideration of the children’s minds and hearts. 

If you are dating and not looking to get serious; you are just in it to have a good time, the children don’t fully understand this. They are using what they see as a blueprint for the navigation of their own lives. They are using your guide to mould their values, so they need to feel safe with your actions. Your self-conduct while dating is powerful, the models you create shape their behaviour in love and life, from a very young age. 

It is  not a good idea to mix your life as a parent with dating life until the relationship you are in is established, and adequate preparation was done to introduce the new partner to the children. 
At the point of introduction, this new partner should be the only one in the picture. No other potential contenders. Children get easily attached, so their hearts are deeply broken when a partner suddenly leaves and they get confused if someone moves in again too quickly. They are in the dating game with you, plus their experience with the changes could be more devastating than yours. The child is forming new experiences, all your actions and what you introduce them to has an impact, the bad and good. So your unrestrained frog kissing hurts them greatly. As such, I believe the parent and ex-partner should explain age appropriately why they will no longer be together. Maybe the blow to the child could be softened if they understand that the relationship is not working because they are not happy together.

Every single parent would agree that their children must take first priority. However, living up to this is challenging when “love chemicals,” is in play. But, remember your child’s welfare must remain your focus. I am not suggesting giving up dating until the children are fully grown. I am saying happy, healthy children are nurtured by parents who make decisions that are wise. 


Thursday, 24 July 2014

Summer Romance Lessons

The weather is heating up and suddenly you’re starting to feel different; you feel free-spirited and your beauty becomes something you’re just starting to notice. You are taking on a new Philosophy in life; everything this summer will be good!

Because of this new philosophy and new found confidence in your beauty, you feel free, your attitude towards everything will be good and then the unforeseen happens. Here comes the unexpected romance, the new, happier you caught the attention of someone’s eyes. Though unexpected this summer romance might be, it could be a life lesson you need.

Summer kisses are hotter, tastier, giving you a refreshed feeling that sets you aflame! Blink your eyes, that’s how quickly the romance intensifies. The new free spirit you have propels you to live in the moment.

Lesson #1
An unexpected Summer Romance makes you realize that true timeless affection doesn't need a forever promise to be real.

Lesson #2
It opens your eyes to the fact that you are desired and worthy of a lot of attention.

Lesson #3
Given the nature of summer romances (they are short lived), you see the importance of enjoying every moment, making each experience take your breath away. You allow the heat of ecstasy to take over.

Lesson #4
Summer romances make you realize that life is not just about struggles, life can be purely beautiful.

Lesson #5
This one is my personal favourite J you learn to embrace the new person you've become, one who has no worries; a less stressful version of you. That person you should try to hold on to always.

Lesson # 6
Summer romance is a short, beautiful love (or that love feeling) experience. You know it will end quickly, but you have no regrets because this “great love” served its purpose. A memory you will always cherish.

Our long term committed relationships could be so much more beautiful and fulfilling if we apply the lessons we learn from our summer romances; don’t you think? 


Thursday, 17 July 2014

5 Signs you’re in a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships don’t just happen overnight. They require hard work, time and two people who are motivated by their love for each other to achieve a successful healthy relationship. Healthy relationships require so much work, that the following 5 signs of a healthy relationship is just a small percentage of the signs.


There is really no point in being in a relationship if you can’t trust your partner. Without trust, insecurity will cause slow growth or no growth at all in your relationship. You will spend too much of your time worrying about what your partner is doing. Your willingness to be open and honest with your partner is none existent. And being able to talk freely with your partner is one of the foundations to building an unbreakable relationship.

You Have Disagreements with Little to no Arguments

Disagreements are a must in every relationship, simple because no two people are the same. As such, you will face conflicts. You are in a healthy relationship if when these disagreements arise, there is no loud shouting and going at each other like enemies would.  In a healthy relationship disagreements are dealt with peacefully. 

Freedom to be you

When you are around your partner there should be no need to be someone you are not. If this is the case, the relationship is built on a lie! Healthy relationships foster freedom to be 100% you. No putting on a mask. Bring you to the relationship, so that your partner can really accept your flaws and all.

Individuality is Maintained

In healthy relationships, spending lots of quality time is important because it brings you closer as a couple. Though this is true, there still must be room to maintain individuality. Each partner must still be able to pursue their own dreams, spend time with friends and family or even have alone time etc.  Your partner is in love with who they have come to know, maintain individuality and you are doing your relationship a huge favour.

Clear Open Communication

Beautiful relationships are built on clear open communication. Each partner must clearly state what they want in the relationship and don’t assume that because you have been in the relationship for so long your partner must know how you feel or think about something. This also means being able to talk to your partner about everything and anything without fear, e.g. that what you said would be used against you.

Having a healthy relationship is something that most of us want. Most of us can enjoy a healthy relationship if partners work together equally to accomplish this.
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Friday, 11 July 2014

5 Signs you’re in a Toxic Relationship

The fact is all relationships are different. I can’t say that too much. Some will flourish and some are toxic and you must get out! They all have their fair share of challenges. But how can you tell you’re experiencing “normal” challenges or you really should get out?! After careful thought, here are my 5 signs of a toxic relationship.

Generally Unhappy

There will be times you feel unhappy about events/situations in your relationship, which is normal. You’re in a toxic relationship if you’re generally unhappy about your relationship even if there is no current situation. You’re always on edge, and tense about when the next conflict will be. If any of this is relatable and then some, you’re in a toxic relationship. It’s time to surf the waves and find your way out.

Thoughts of Cheating

Maybe this is coming from the decreased drama between the sheets. You are no longer attracted to each other and the passion has died, and you think you can only experience this again with someone else. These thoughts might be surfacing because you have met someone who makes you smile again.
If you’re enjoying these thoughts of cheating and really don’t want to get rid of them, or have already acted upon them, your relationship is in deep waters.

No Longer have Fun Together

Those days when you used to play, laugh senselessly over nothing, when you go out onlookers envy what you have are long gone. Now when you go out, you use the time to discuss your relationship problems instead of enjoying each other’s company like you used to.
This is another sign that you are barely keeping your head above water, and your relationship is dying a terrible death of knowing you’re slowly drowning. 

Lost your Drive to Fight for your Relationship

After doing everything you think possible to improve your relationship and nothing is working, because the other partner is not as interested in the relationship as you are. No one should blame you for giving up on the relationship.
If you’re in this mind space, your relationship is definitely sinking.

Thoughts of Killing Them

Yes, I said that out loud.  This right here is a huge sign. Swim, swim, and swim with all your might to get to the shores, before you find yourself tying an anchor to a duffle bag. If you’re planning a detailed step by step on how to scuff the life of your partner; while he/she sleeps get counseling fast! To avoid taking such life changing plunge.

These signs are hard to swallow, especially after investing many years. But if both parties are genuinely want a better story ending, with counseling, Christ at the centre and putting in the hard work your relationship can be fixed. If the best decision is to part, time will heal. Your broken heart can be mended. 
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Thursday, 3 July 2014

From a Man’s Perspective: To Our Women

I always joke about returning as a man in my “next life,” I am not a believer in reincarnation but you get my point. Why would I want to do that, I can hear you ask. The answer, my friend, is very simple - I think their lives are far less complicated than women’s.

By all indications, it appears to take very little to make a man happy.  I have identified three basic things that remain true for what men look for in a relationship. These are sex, space and acceptance.

This might not be number one on all men’s lists, but I believe it definitely falls in the top five. Wives (I say wives, because I believe sex should be only be between married people) our men want the kind of sex that will keep them focused on you.
Naturally men eyes will wander, but if you are having that kind of sex that has love intertwined and you are connected they will notice but not want. He will acknowledge she has a nice body and pretty face but she won’t be worth losing you.

Men need space. When I speak of space I mean time away from you!  Now women don’t freak out, it is perfectly natural for a man to want to be by themselves, hang with friends or time to invest in their own passions/hobbies. Let them have the time to play video games, join in a game of football etc. This is the time they use to clear their minds, unwind, and recharge so they can love you the way you deserve.  


I am learning that it’s after accepting our men just the way they are, for who they are is when we truly love them unconditionally. I gather that our men, no matter how old they are, will always have boyish tendencies. Accept them for who they are, that will be motivation enough to do more to make you happy

Loving our men is not complicated. However, the above three ways on how to, is not the total list.

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