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Friday, 24 October 2014

It’s My Birthday!!!!

I was always big on celebrating my birthday; from as far back as I can remember.  I made a huge deal over it, threw hints or be very straight forward about the gifts I would like. I try to do something different with my hair, buy two new outfits, one for going out on my birthday, and one for church.  Since I got married; it dawned on me that my birthday celebrations will need some adjusting, as my husband views birthdays as “just another ordinary day!” can you imagine? These are just some reasons I celebrate my birthday with confetti and drums. I am slowing dragging him to celebrate his birthday just as loud.
Age 26 2014  Wined and Dined by the Hubby 

   I am Alive!
I have lived to see another year!! This reason is definitely my number one. Celebrating my birthday is absolutely much better than celebrating my death. Yes, even in death I would want a huge celebration.
Age 22, Pirate themes boat trip

   I Grow in Wisdom
I have one grey hair on my leg to prove it! I no longer make the same mistakes in my teen years or early twenties. I look forward to all the life lessons before me.
Age 21, Glamour Shot Photo Shoot

 More Accomplishments
As I got older the more I accomplished. Looking back, I know for sure I have not done my best in all things. But I am very proud of myself for completing. At my age, I have a Bachelor’s Degree; I wear the hat of wife, mother and entrepreneur. I see myself in the future still wearing these hats, but wearing them with more sophistication.
Age 20, What did I do this year? 

  More Time to Love
Having a partner to love another year is awesome! Hugging my children and loving them every day is wonderful! Another birthday means more opportunity to say I love you and prove it.
Age 19, lol Guess I love the Photo Studio 

Another year was granted to reflect on how merciful my God has been to me. I see my countless blessings, and I am GRATEFUL. My journey is really appreciated because of the miles I put in. I plan to burn the tires out on life by creating more memorable moments.

I would like to thank everyone who has taken part in the celebration of my birthdays so far. My Family, Mother (Annie, Marlo ), Father ( Devon ), Aunt (Marvette),  Aunt ( Nicolette), Sister (Shandece). My Husband of course Mallor. 

My Friends. Oneisha, long distance but she sure does make her mark on all my birthdays. Love you girly, lots lots. Stephi-Ann, Kerry-Ann, and Carene. Thanks ladies for the part 2 of my recent birthday celebrations. Duklon! Guess this is another thank you? Marlon, I cannot leave you out of this one, Merci.  I really hope I didn't miss anyone. Thank you, thank you!

Thursday, 16 October 2014

Confessions of a Blogging Wife

I started blogging relationship topics in 2012, almost a year after getting married. My aim was to allow myself to think the topics through thoroughly; so I can improve my own marriage, and maybe help another couples in the process. My first confession, somewhere along the course of writing, I secretly thought I was a relationship guru. This hit me after realizing I was commenting on most relationship related Facebook statuses.

After really listening to my husband the other night, the sad reality really drove home. I was NO relationship guru; in fact if I don’t make changes soon, my marriage might end in divorce.  So I am putting this blog out there, as a reminder to myself.  Yes, while he needs to change some things, I forgot I need to make changes too.

I Communicate Poorly

Even though I have blogged about the importance of communication in relationships, I guess it was meant for everybody else and not for me. I pledge from this day forth that if something is wrong I will say it. I will stop dropping hints, expecting his “clairvoyant super powers” will figure it out. I need to remember to watch my tone when I speak to him. He should not feel he is about to dive in deep waters, if he needs to talk to me about something that bothers him.

I have Difficulty Picking my Battles

I accept now that not all issues are worthy of a fight. If I continue to fight about every minor thing, I might jeopardize my chances of him listening, when major ones arise.  Picking unnecessary fights is not becoming of a professed relationship guru.

I Don’t Criticize Constructively

If I don’t get my act together my relationship can die. My way is not always the correct way. So, if he does something differently I will let him. As long as what should get done, gets done. I must also remember to keep my emotions under control. Criticizing with tears still doesn’t change the fact that my way is not the only way.   If I continuously undermine his way of doing things, maybe eventually he won’t do them at all.

I have a bad habit of pointing out what he is doing wrong and almost completely forgetting to praise him for the things he does right. I can only imagine at this point how much happier he will be around me if I made this change. HHMMMM, will he be more willing to listen to me? One thing I know for sure being a nagging wife is not cute, not cute at all.  

It’s Hard to Accept that Children Changed our Relationship.

I love my children dearly, no doubt about that! But I find myself looking back in the past at our relationship before them. I have not accepted that these loves changed the relationship dynamics. My eyes can only see how they changed the relationship for the worse. Seeing that my “Love Language” is quality time, I find myself getting jealous at times when they take up so much of my alone time with my husband. From this day forth, I will pray more about this issue. My prayer would be to accept this change, and that we will find new ways to make our relationship thrive.

Confessions are never easy. But after putting these issues down on paper, I feel much lighter. I guess the phrase “confession is good for the soul” has some truth to it. 


Monday, 13 October 2014

Never Fall In Love

Love, what really is this love thing? Please don't let me try to explain it. It’s so complicated and has many corners, edges and sides to this tiny word. After you have concluded on your definition of love; it’s time to be able to recognize the type of people you should never fall in love with. Declaimer; I don’t profess to be a love Guru, as I am still trying to figure stuff out. However, if you vision yourself in a long term relationship and desire getting married someday, don’t fall in love with these kinds of people.

The Non-Committed

It’s difficult to grow in a relationship if one or both partners are afraid of committing to the relationship. They have all the excuses you can think of. Example, too busy working and building a career that they don’t have time for love. They might even have their eyes wide open, to continue the pursuit of a more compatible partner. If you are big on marriage because of religious or other reasons, do not hang on to the relationship if this partner makes it clear they have no intention of getting married, as they don’t see its relevance. Staying in a non-committed relationship hoping they will have a change of heart is a waste of time.

The Taken/Married

I can give you several reasons why you should never fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship. You’ll find yourself trying very hard to come across as the perfect partner, keeping hope alive that he/she will eventually leave, and you now become the couple everyone envies. As a precautionary measure, lodge this to memory, if he/she has cheated with you, I can almost guarantee that you will constantly worry if your partner is cheating if you become the new partner. Building a relationship on lack of trust is a disaster waiting to happen. 

The Busy Bumble Bee

Self-explanatory? This person is always “working, working, working!” or is caught up too much in a hobby. This person has no time for you, and when you do get some time together it’s very miniscule. You convince yourself that the situation will change soon. While you patiently wait, there will be many times of loneliness. Definitely really question where your relationship is going; if after more than 6 months, no meeting of the parents was arrange because of the busy spell. Years will pass you by waiting on quality time together, time that could be invested in someone else who is not too busy for you.

I certainly have not stated all types of persons you should never fall in love with.  I will just leave this passage of Scripture with you as a guide. James 1:5. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” NIV 


Thursday, 2 October 2014

Dress up your Media Sharing!

Social media is a great platform for self-expression.  I get that how I express myself, might not be how you express yourself. But I am almost sure there are some things we just should not do. One of these don’ts I like to lament on is sharing semi-nude and nude pictures.
This week I am going to rant a little. Please feel free to whip me with the rod of correction if I am misled. I find sharing semi-nude and nude pictures disturbing and ridiculous! Though you might see women “butt posing,” men are just as thirsty for what I deem “negative attention.”Did social media really destroy our self –respect?

Please fill me in on when did it become custom to upload semi-naked photos just for likes and comment of flattery!? Where did our self-respect or self-esteem go? Believe me that this kind of attention from strangers is not very important. Not important at all! Do not let comments and likes be the means of telling you what you are worth.

I surmise that you might just be capitalizing on your natural animalistic nature, with the need of getting a potential partner to look in your direction. There is the great (too great), of a need to be the one they pick from the plethora of options out there. But have you stopped to tap into your humanness and ask yourself, just what kind of partner I am attracting? Let me clue you in. You are attracting a partner whose mind is more focused on physical attraction than what you have to offer as a whole person. This potential partner is so blinded by that ass it will be hard to see you as anything more than a sexual partner.

Let their minds go on overdrive trying to picture what you look like without clothes on. Real men and women worth marrying won’t feel the need to do this anyways. Life-time partners will spend the time undressing your intellect and engage you with conversations that are uplifting; they will challenge you to be a better you. 

If you are married, why, why, why, why??!! are you letting strange eyes see what is reserved only for your partner? If you want to take such pictures you and your partner have fun with it. *smile* let your partner take a few on the business trip to remind him/her what is home waiting.

How I see it, ideal attractiveness will always be a target that’s moving. It will NEVER be hit. While physical attraction will not go unnoticed when looking for a partner, sell your mind, your gifts and talents, conversations others things of substance. Whatever your physique, might suddenly becomes what they are attracted to, if you put these attributes out.