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Thursday, 11 December 2014

It’s Christmas Season-Time for a break up?

I have not done an official study; or even an informal poll, but from observations over the years I have concluded that the Christmas season is not too good to some relationships. I sum it up to just two weeks or more before Christmas, many persons call quit on their relationships. From personal informal analysis, persons break –up during this time for these top three (3) reasons.

3) Does he/she Worth This Expensive gift?

This is a season of giving and receiving gifts. You find your self shopping for your significant other’s Christmas gift; you’re examining the quality after considering that he/she will love this item! Then BOOM! You see the price and suddenly you’re wondering if the relationship is worth this much money.

Sounds shallow? Hear me out. Wouldn’t this be a good time to think about the quality of your relationship, before spending big money on someone who won’t be around for much longer?
So; coming in at number 3, is breaking up because you realize your significant other is not worthy of all this spending on gifts.

2). Is This Person Qualified Enough to Meet the Parents?

It’s also the seasons for traveling to visit family members you have not seen since last Christmas. The family misses you. While you’re making plans for this trip, you start to wonder if your significant other is qualified enough to meet the parents and extended family.

After careful examination of where the relationship is and where it is coming from; your eyes finally open to the fact that the person you are with, is not someone you want your family to meet. There you have my number 2 reason for breakup.

1) New Year, New Beginnings

New Year resolutions are upon us. Reflections on the quality of our lives are not new to us. Making new plans for the New Year to improve our lives is on its way full speed. You come to the thoughts on your relationship. The idea of having this boyfriend/girlfriend holding you back from experiencing bigger and better things, because your relationship for a very long time has become dead weight.
This is my number 1 reason why break-ups happen during this festive season. The New Year usually means new beginnings, a fresh start to make your life happier. Naturally if your relationship is broken, this is the season your eyes become open to recognizing your relationship it not working.

Hey, I am aware that this time of year can be a very happy time for some relationships too! People are getting engaged, festivities make you happy and you spend more time with each other over the holidays etc. But, I won’t overlook that the singles market will get bigger this Christmas festive season.  

Monday, 1 December 2014

Am I Dateable?

Its common practice for people who have an interest in getting married, have a list of characteristics, physical features et,. that they are looking for in a potential spouse. I know I did. (Tall dark and handsome, two out of three not bad right?) But do you have a second copy, so that daily with pray you make these criteria for yourself?  If you answer no, then you are not yet date-able. The Bible says in Song of Solomon 2:7 ESV I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the doers of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. You are date- able when:

     You can bring valuable contribution to someone else’s life. You are an asset not a deficit. Because you have found your purpose, content with being single, have plans and visions for your life. So work on you before you actively start searching for a partner. Proverbs 19:2 ESV says, desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses is way.

Growing up there were lots of children games that send the message of getting married and having a family. One that stands out to me is a skipping rope game *upstairs downstairs underneath the toilet* each round you would have list of things you desire to happen to you in the future. Eg, first round you would present a list of names of the people you would want to marry, and as you jump rope these names are repeated and once you "out" (rope gets tangled with feet), the name it stops on that’s your future spouse. Other rounds are more things you desire from your future partner. These games were focused on what you look for in someone, none I recall was designed for you to prepare yourself for that someone.

The quest for an ideal partner invariably begins with a long look inward. You can practice communication techniques, make endless lists of the characteristics you look for in a partner, but until you’re willing to work on yourself and be the person you hope to, the chances are good that you’ll remain unsatisfied in practically any relationship. 

I hear persons say when we are on the subject of “what is it that you want in a partner”, “what are you looking for in a partner”, “who would be the perfect partner for you”.
Be the person you want to find, I would like to ask are you being the person they are looking for, hoping for, praying for, and desperately asking GOD for?  If not it’s time to clean house.Ask yourself: How can I make myself better? Am I complete or a work in progress? Am I being the person I want to find? How can we make each other better, instead of how can he/she make me better? Through prayer, work on you and focus less on what you want from him/she.

     There is an acceptance that you don’t need a partner to be complete. Your “other half” is NOT! Missing. Your life is not of any less value because you are not yet married. It’s in marriage; I have come to learn this. It’s dangerous to think your partner will complete you. If he/she falls short in “completing” any area of your life you expect, you will be greatly disappointed, and too much pressure is on the other person to make you happy. With prayer and faith you will become content with this stage of life, and come to recognize and accept that a partner is not needed to make you complete or even make you happy.

You don’t just sit and wait on the Lord, and think that your life will begin after finding a spouse. Make yourself date-able by working on your career; work on your finances, start saving, get closer to God through studying His words. An advantage of being single is having more time to spend with the Lord, and to work full time in ministry