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Thursday, 13 September 2012

In-Laws Ruining My Marriage

This is a very hard topic for me to write on, my number one reason is that I still don't have a solution to this issue. However, after seeking advice from married couples in this marriage "business" much longer the following tips were given. Keep in mind though that each marriage is different and each "in-law situation" But, I believe the following can help generally. 

How many in-laws does it take to destroy a marriage?" "One."

For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh, and the man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed. Genesis 2:24-25 

The Bible clearly states that when couples decide to get married they are to leave their parents. However often times it so happens that parents have a hard time letting go. What should be done in this case? The answer is simple, you cannot force parents to let go. It is up to the couple to do the leaving. Letting go of this need of approval from parents and turn your attention to the one you are committed to and cleave. This is the only way you will be able to experience what God intends within  your marriage partnership. 

Secondly, maybe a dose of empathy could work. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes, trying to understand their actions, might be what is required to reduce in-law stresses. When you are under in-law attack with a little empathy you know they are not personally caused by you. Therefore, there is no need to feel hurt. For example, you are criticized constantly for your cooking abilities or lack thereof, among many other things, remember your in-laws feel threatened that their precious child or beloved family member is being taken away from them so finding flaws with you is their way of attempting to keep their child away from you. These criticisms are just pitiful efforts in trying to keep your spouse away from you, once you accept this you will now feel sorry for them, as you are fully aware that they feel threatened by you.  

Thirdly, and definitely not finally, is what I do, is limit my interactions with the in-laws. This is not the best method as the issues are not fixed, but it does allow me to avoid confrontations until I find out the best way to deal with my personal in-law situation.  Maybe this temporary solution will ultimately become permanent as it might very well be the best solution, until then I will keep it at a temporary fix until I have found a  better solution.   

My advice is to sit with your spouse and talk about the stresses the in-laws bring to your marriage and together find a solution that works best for the both of you. Sweeping the issue under the carpet thinking it will miraculously disappear is not logical thinking. Take the matter to the Lord and patiently wait on His reply.