Watch a couple as they dance, if it is done playfully and carefully you will notice a balance of pull and push. There is connecting then pulling apart, a mixture of separateness and togetherness. Relationships should be no different. If couples are able to successfully balance the delicacy of separating and connecting, then the level of intimacy will increase.
This concept of balancing togetherness and separateness is not a new focus for researchers, marriage, family, and relationship therapists. It is essential for intimate relationships to have a balance that carefully supports and encourages independence and togetherness. The ideal is for couples to achieve a healthy togetherness while keeping each other’s separate world preserved. It will allow for the relationship to grow to their full potential. This however, is very challenging.
Each individual expects different levels of togetherness and separateness from their partner. Expecting your partner to meet your intimate needs, precisely how you require is unreasonable, since for instance, you may have different schedules and preferences, so compromise is a must.
Why there needs to be a balance?
Chronic closeness denies the partner the opportunity to grow as an individual, which is necessary even in a relationship. This stifles personal growth, and cause the loss of individuality. However, if there is too much distance in separateness, it gives room for partners to feel lonely and unfulfilled in the relationship. At both extremes; the couple will be trapped in a pattern that’s dysfunctional and relating to each other will become difficult.
How to fix this?
The key is good communication is these situations. Empathy needs to be developed so that you can understand your partner’s feelings and thoughts. Honest, open and empathetic communication generally is the key to a positive outcome. Spend the time needed to settle these issues so as to strengthen the relationship. If this is executed effectively, separateness becomes togetherness; at least togetherness of thought anyway and when you have that, you can work out almost any issues you will have in your relationship.