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Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Surviving your First Year of Marriage

Surviving the first 12 months of marriage is almost guaranteed to be very difficult. The both of you are adjusting to living together. You have one way of doing something and your spouse has another. There will be points where the mist of lust and romance lifts, because reality has suddenly set in. The confrontations you had while dating that seemed non-existent or really unimportant have now become the main issues after marriage.  Here are some of these issues, and helpful solutions that might work.
ROLE DEFINING
Before getting married, often times couples assume their partner will carry out certain roles within the relationship; such as mechanic, housecleaner, breadwinner etc. Unfortunately, too often couples neglect to talk about these expectations because there are so over idealistic.
Solution
Make time to create a list of these household roles and negotiate as the list is being reviewed. Firstly, focus on how helpful you can be and not so much on how your spouse is not helping.
MONEY PROBLEMS
This is an extremely sensitive topic and couple’s need to align their attitudes in line with household financing. If couples don’t do this they will end up spending their money irresponsibly and carelessly. And in worse case scenarios end up blaming their partner for the financial mishaps since couples are on different pages when it comes to money handling.  
Solution
Values should be defined. Find out what both of you care more about, and spend the money wisely on that. Like entertainment, vacations, spirituality, bills etc. As soon as this is laid on the table; a budget will be easier to come by.
IN-LAW
Yes, I said it. When you get married boundaries must be defined, and if you are fully committed to starting a new life with your parent; you have to cut the umbilical cord. The difficulty often lies most with parents; they are marrying off their beloved children and are finding unique ways to stay connected. This connection disrupts the marriage.
Solution
You need to discuss how much parental inference you can handle. Respect the boundaries and each child should communicate this message to their personal family.

IEISURE TIME
During courtship, it was easy to find something to do together and the time spend would be fun and pleasurable. But after courtship, how couples spend time together could become a conflict source.
Solution
In marriage it is a fact that your spouse has individual wants and needs and this should be respected. Don’t be selfish by doing an activity you like best all the time, so strike a balance. When you do this you’re appreciating your partner’s uniqueness. When you are doing something you don’t particularly like, don’t view it in a negative light. Think of the activity as quality time being spent together and not focus on the activity itself. Go back to the basics of dating, when it wasn't an issue what you so as long as it’s done together.