Monday 23 April 2012

Pornography in Marriage


As a wife, if I should discover that my husband is watching porn I would be disappointed, maybe even angry and I would look at him in disgust. It would be a greater issue if he enjoys watching porn more than he does having sex with me.
Many wives would agree with me that pornography viewing is degrading and insulting plus I see it as cheating too, fantasying about other women is cheating mentally. The sad part is that many husbands might not even view pornography use as being mentally unfaithful. Therefore, they won’t understand why their wives are upset.
For several couple watching porn is fine, for me it would tear my marriage apart. Pornography viewing is a real deal breaker for me.
So, I had to do some research on the issue; and I found out that pornography use has direct effect on sexual intimacy between couples. The intimacy level is decreased. I also discovered it is a type of infidelity and it reduces the relationship’s exclusivity. Both husbands and wives see the act as betrayal, because the emotions felt from offline acts are just as authentic as those felt online.  
It’s a personal belief that porn negatively influences you as an individual, and yes your relationships. Since it hurts your loved ones, it is highly likely to build a wall between the couple, driving them apart instead of bringing them closer together. 
For my marriage to be fair, healthy etc I will use my spirituality and religion to guide me on the matter.  Since it’s my choice to rely on God in this decision, pornography use in my marriage is a no no!!
I cannot agree with those who think viewing porn together as a couple is romantic. Why do I need to see another couple get intimate in order for me to feel the need to get intimate too? I am pretty sure there are several other creative options available. A slippery slope for sure!




6 comments:

  1. Really Shanna? Do you view Karma Sutra and other books and videos geared at "teaching sex" as porn? They fall under the same category.

    Porn has it's place. It's the abuse of porn that one should worry about.

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  2. A man watching a porn video is not usually fantasizing about having sex with the woman in the video. It is RARELY about that! There are movies with HOT sex scenes, do you suggest avoiding those too? (The notebook have a BADDDDD sex scene). You would a feel offended if u husband watch Noah and Hallie have sex on The Notebook?

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  4. If it's "teaching" sex in my opinion that's totally different. Both of us will be learning something to enhance our sex life. But, How does just watching regular "non teaching" pornographic material help?

    Like drugs once you try it, it's easy to abuse it.

    We saw the Notebook... enjoyed the story line very much. However, even though we did I still believe we should be careful about what we watch.

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  5. Latz your comment above stated that " a man watching a porn video is not usually fantasizing about the woman" so what or who does he fantasize about you?
    I believe in sex-books that teach or show you ways to enhance your intimate relationship, but for a spouse to actually sit and watch porn, its breaking out of that exclusivity, it's like inviting your neighbour to your marriage bed while you both are in it. the person caught in the act so to speak of pornography is taking on a dual personality outside of his/her marriage. usual abusers of pornography doesn't want their spouse to find out and thus its done in secret.
    Pornography lives on fantasy and sometimes when these fantasies cannot be realized for that spouse he/she goes outside of marriage to fulfill them.Pornography does break up the intimacy of a marriage. So sex scenes are in a lot of movies nowadays what do you do? I respect my husband's view of the content in movies to abstain from, so movies with short or small scenes of sex ok, but steamy prolonged sex scenes are mini porn scenes and these draw your mind away from your spouse into fantasy world "oh i wish that was my body his hands roaming over.." etc.
    So what do we do? Live out your own fantasies with your spouse by communicating what you want and enjoy the beauty of sex without "alien" interference.

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  6. Amem Tash!!! totally agree, we should just hold hands and write a book together on this issue.

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