The Hypocrisies of Men

Men are going to see this title and think “another woman bitching about men,” but that is not the case, these are just observations and after reading and you put away your manly pride you will agree they are true. I on no gender’s side, go ahead read my article on The Hypocrisies of Women.

The hypocrisy of men and their freedom

For the majority of men, even the idea of committing themselves to one woman feels like a life sentence in a room with huge ants eating them alive. This hated “c-word” means to you financial devastation, sacrificing your options of varied sexual partners, loss of independence and the list could go on.

Well men women fear their loss of freedom too! We like the idea of deciding we want to go here today, use our money and buy this, stay over a friend without being questioned the next day etc. But until you are ready to commit I think you should stay away from making advances to woman. The relationship won’t work if you have so many fears. I understand that men naturally are very independent but admit it, deep down you desire love and affection from that one special person and in order to find this love you have to grow some manly balls and get over it!

The hypocrisy of men and their loss of space

I get it that you crave your “manly space” for watching action flicks, tools, cars etc. you fear that when women come around all this will change, you now have to watch some romance flicks from time to time, your  prized leather couch will have to be removed, the windows now have frilly curtains etc. But guess what guys, we women are losing our space too; you are not the only “victims” to relationships. 

Most women love shoes  we worry about where our prized collection will go when we move in. Stop acting like you sit and let women push you around, admit it, the women in your lives sometimes have to put up with action flicks and car shows too. In a relationship you win some and you lose some. We might lose our “womanly space” of staying in bed late on weekends to read a romance novel or just think about the past week and the week to come.  We have lost that space to maybe making breakfast for the men in our lives. So, stop pretending you are the only victims to loss of space, grow some manly balls and get over it!

The hypocrisy of men and their fear of only one partner

This one calls for a LOL! Men the women you are sleeping around with is an indication that they enjoy sexual freedom too don’t you think?  Sadly, gone are the days when partners get together as virgins and lose their virginity to each other in marriage. I might be rude to be speaking as if this is the case for all women, but they can disagree.  Some women have this fear too, the difference is, society dictates that women who had several sexual partners are sluts, hoes etc. and the men are praised as it shows their manhood. Therefore, women are more hush hush about their sexual encounters.

One partner for us also means getting bored, lack of desire just like men do. But women have an additional fear, not having another orgasm again! Why? because the guy they now commit to just don’t “put it on” like another guy she has been with. Men, I ask you this, was their ever a sexual encounter of yours that you didn’t orgasm? If that happens, you find the nearest doctor because you think something must be wrong. However, for women not getting an orgasm in a sexual encounter happens maybe more often than we want it to. So, man up, buy some books and get to reading and spice up your sex life with the ONE partner. And when I say this, I say it to both men and women.

Conclusion

All aspects of relationships and how to make them work can be found in the Bible! The Lord knew what would cause problems in our relationships and he made preparations for us to make them work. Open its pages and start looking; it truly will be worth your while.

Are you in a Rebound Relationship?

Let me not assume we all have heard about a rebound relationship. Very quickly this kind of relationship comes very soon after another serious relationship. It is rear to find rebound relationships basing on love; instead they are really a means of alleviating loneliness after the relationship has ended. This rebound phenomenon happens even if you wanted to see an end to the previous relationship.

Yes, it will feel a lot like love; this is in my opinion because you want that feeling of being in love. The feeling of love is something you are accustomed to and you hurry into another relationship because you want to feel love again. I am no expert but from what I have observed and experienced personally this is the case. In reality you are not in love, you are just missing your previous relationship. It is also my opinion that this missing your previous relationship does not necessarily means you want your old partner back, you just want to be involved in a relationship, and when on the rebound this somebody could be just about anybody.

Rebounding usually hurts one partner most, and that is the partner that has genuine feelings for the other. They get deeply hurt after the rebounder finally realizes they were not in love after all. The harsh reality is that you will never be ready for a new relationship if you are not fully over your previous lost. New relationships cannot survive if old wounds have not been properly healed.

How can you judge “enough time” before starting a new relationship? Is there a way to prevent a relationship that is rebound-based? These require very complex answers I believe. Since I am no relationship gurus, this is what I understand. There is really no specific time period. Therefore it is really difficult to protect yourself from a rebound. However, from my understanding there are signs to look out for that you are not over your previous relationship. My top two are:

1.     If your issues from your previous relationship are interfering with a new relationship process. If this is happening, it is clear you are not ready to move on again.

2.     If issues are left unresolved, eg. You are not too clear on why your relationship ended; you are in a rebound relationship.

Therefore, you cannot have a healthy new relationship if you are embracing feelings of an old love or desperately longing to be in a relationship. Love is not something that can be forced on a whim, it must genuinely be found. But it can only happen when your minds and hearts are free from the hurt, issues and hang ups of the previous 
relationship. 

In-Laws Ruining My Marriage (Part 2)

If you have plans to stay committed to your spouse fortunately or unfortunately you’re stuck with your extended family “the in-laws” also.

In your attempt in making this new family relationship work take the following points into consideration. They may or may not be expert advice but they are from the view point of being in the situation and have learnt and still learning from the experience.

v  When you enter a marriage you are starting your own family, therefore there can be no shared loyalties. Your primary loyalty is to your marriage.

v  Set boundaries. Yes your in-laws are “neighbours” but there needs to be a high and strong fence so that they are only invited in when they are welcomed.

v  You are equipped with so much and no more emotional and physical energy. If you find that your in-laws are draining too much of your energy, maybe it is time to build a stronger fence. Keep in mind you are not blocking them out you are focusing on what’s more important, your marriage.

v  Once these boundaries are agreed on by the couple, talk to the in-laws about them. Trust me, they are not so fragile.

v  In almost every man’s life the other woman is his mother. Your husband might be the type that starts his sentences like this “my mother does a particular thing this way.” If you are hearing this way too many times maybe now is the time to tell him he is free to go and live with her (permanently). Sorry but there is no mild way of saying this.

v  If your partner has an issue with the in-law it is for you to fix the problem. The primary person with the relationship. Your spouse should not be the messenger to your parents. However, maybe you need to step in and talk to the in-laws yourself if your spouse is delaying to fix the problem for too long.

v  Converse with your partner what role you expect your in-laws to play. It is not wise to assume you’re both on the same page.

v  I have learnt the hard way that criticizing the relationship your spouse has with his/her parents may lead to more complications or clinginess. So, avoid criticizing his/her parents

v  At the forefront of your mind should be this, if it is only when your frustrated, angry or having marital problems you run to the parents, that is what they will hear, they won’t hear when improvements have been made and you have made up. When you do this awful thing your spouse is only seen as the villain. Therefore keep your issues within your marriage between you two.

v  And a very important point, if your spouse’s parents do not have the kind of relationship you can emulate, it is foolish seeking any relationship advice from them. Even if they have been together for many years. If you need external advice seek council from Marriage books, marriage counselors or a married couple who in your eyes view is enjoying a happy marriage.  

v  Stay on your knees that’s where the battles are won!!!

In-Laws Ruining My Marriage

This is a very hard topic for me to write on, my number one reason is that I still don't have a solution to this issue. However, after seeking advice from married couples in this marriage "business" much longer the following tips were given. Keep in mind though that each marriage is different and each "in-law situation" But, I believe the following can help generally. 

How many in-laws does it take to destroy a marriage?" "One."

For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh, and the man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed. Genesis 2:24-25 
The Bible clearly states that when couples decide to get married they are to leave their parents. However often times it so happens that parents have a hard time letting go. What should be done in this case? The answer is simple, you cannot force parents to let go. It is up to the couple to do the leaving. Letting go of this need of approval from parents and turn your attention to the one you are committed to and cleave. This is the only way you will be able to experience what God intends within  your marriage partnership. 

Secondly, maybe a dose of empathy could work. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes, trying to understand their actions, might be what is required to reduce in-law stresses. When you are under in-law attack with a little empathy you know they are not personally caused by you. Therefore, there is no need to feel hurt. For example, you are criticized constantly for your cooking abilities or lack thereof, among many other things, remember your in-laws feel threatened that their precious child or beloved family member is being taken away from them so finding flaws with you is their way of attempting to keep their child away from you. These criticisms are just pitiful efforts in trying to keep your spouse away from you, once you accept this you will now feel sorry for them, as you are fully aware that they feel threatened by you.  

Thirdly, and definitely not finally, is what I do, is limit my interactions with the in-laws. This is not the best method as the issues are not fixed, but it does allow me to avoid confrontations until I find out the best way to deal with my personal in-law situation.  Maybe this temporary solution will ultimately become permanent as it might very well be the best solution, until then I will keep it at a temporary fix until I have found a  better solution.   

My advice is to sit with your spouse and talk about the stresses the in-laws bring to your marriage and together find a solution that works best for the both of you. Sweeping the issue under the carpet thinking it will miraculously disappear is not logical thinking. Take the matter to the Lord and patiently wait on His reply. 

Your Spouse Comes First NOT the Children

I have heard that the most significant relationship in a person’s life is the one they have with their spouse and NOT the children. Personally I believe this is true, and I know many will disagree but the relationship I have with my spouse comes first, the child(dren) comes next.

If have a happy successful marriage, the children will learn a valuable lesson and move on to forging their own lives, the marriage is here to stay and should last till death do us part. The marriage relationship nurtures growth and depth that no other earthly relationship can. Outside the basic necessity, of food, clothing, shelter and loving my child, your spouse should come first! Without a healthy marriage between you and your partner, you can’t be the best parents. Remember the children will eventually leave, and if you allow the children to come first; the strength of your marriage would have been depleted. In my opinion you will feel empty after your children leaves to make their own families; and you will be left unhappy, lonely and depressed. This should not be the case, if you made a vow to your spouse at the altar.

Loving your spouse is the best way to love your children. They deserve to be brought up in a home where parents are loving and supportive of each other wholeheartedly.

When the children are old enough the children will try to come between the parents in order to get their way. If the parents are not united the children will take note, and play the parents against each other. Your children must see a strong union between their parents. I am not going to allow myself to be caught up with doing things for my children that will be at the detriment of my marriage.  Are they not enough divorces already?  Yes, many believe that marriages go and come, for the sake of my marriage I am tossing this statement out. I take my vows to my husband seriously, and since my child means the “universe” to me, I won’t let my marriage be so disposable. My children should not come from a broken home. The couple, who dedicate their lives putting the children first, will realize that after the children reaches age 18 or even older leaves to determine their own paths; the marriage will be gone too. I prefer that doesn’t happen.

Everything works out best if your marriage is grounded firmly. For me and my house, in order for a successful marriage it must be grounded firmly in Christ!

Dating Your Husband/Wife

Dating your partner shouldn't stop after you get married.  Marriage should not sentence you to grey hair, chores, nagging and a fun-less life. Keep dating; you will continue to learn about your partner while you enjoy each other’s company. Who knows, might even find reasons to fall in love will each other all over again.  Plan a date night at least once a month, there is so much to do, there are no excuses.

All you need to do is leave the house together. I am not disregarding the idea of staying home to watch a movie or bake together. Once in a while this is fine, but is should not be settled on too frequently.

My top 10 picks of activities to do together

1. Go out to dinner.
2. Discover new things in the city
3. See a movie, at the theater
4. Do a do-over of your first date!!
5. An Ice cream shop is nice too
6. Go shopping! Get something both will enjoy
7. A walk in the park
8. A trip to another country/city/parish/state to do something new
9. Romanic  picnic
10. Visit to couple’s favorite spot “lookout point”

I am open for your suggestions, share your ideas in the comment box provided. 

Is Your Husband Paying for Sex?

Many women would agree that men testosterone surpasses women about 10 times as much. They pretty much wouldn't mind having sex every day. Most women prefer not to every day, they believe there are other things to do. 

The question is, wouldn’t wives be more willing to have sex when the husband’s want if they got paid? Being paid for sex has sigma of prostitution attached to it. The husband’s in some households give their spouse money to “run” the home, if the wife is a stay at home mom; where will that extra money come from to buy other things she need?

Maybe with the paying agreement there will be less fighting. Love alone cannot keep the marriage afloat, love can’t pay the bills right?

I asked myself this question and I came up with several different answers, viewing this issue from varied angles.

Answer #1- Women are being paid by some means or the other. Being it, men investing their time, emotions and even attention to receive what they desire. Maybe there is even bartering buying gifts, men come home with a box of chocolate and some wine; almost guarantee sex later.

Answer #2- Paying for sex is not just a “stigma” in my mind it is the accurate definition. Paying for sex will cheapen your wife, and in my book you are a true bastard. This idea is wrong on many different levels.

Answer #3- Being a husband or wife is more than just playing the role of a playmate. There must be mutual understanding and respect too.  If you supposedly pay your wife for sex out of “love”, very quickly you will realize your wife is losing her respect for you.

Answer #4- The act of sex is consensual. When you pay your wife for sex, is comes across as if she this is the only way she is obligated to make her gross. Somewhat a sex slave for me since my “body” is priceless and my husband wouldn’t be able to afford sex from me. Paying for something that should be free out of love for you makes you pathetic.

Answer #5- Any women who agrees on being paid for sex in my mind is skanky, trashy and cheap. If you can only get sex from your women if she is paid, it’s simple; she doesn't love you!