Your Spouse Comes First NOT the Children

I have heard that the most significant relationship in a person’s life is the one they have with their spouse and NOT the children. Personally I believe this is true, and I know many will disagree but the relationship I have with my spouse comes first, the child(dren) comes next.

If have a happy successful marriage, the children will learn a valuable lesson and move on to forging their own lives, the marriage is here to stay and should last till death do us part. The marriage relationship nurtures growth and depth that no other earthly relationship can. Outside the basic necessity, of food, clothing, shelter and loving my child, your spouse should come first! Without a healthy marriage between you and your partner, you can’t be the best parents. Remember the children will eventually leave, and if you allow the children to come first; the strength of your marriage would have been depleted. In my opinion you will feel empty after your children leaves to make their own families; and you will be left unhappy, lonely and depressed. This should not be the case, if you made a vow to your spouse at the altar.

Loving your spouse is the best way to love your children. They deserve to be brought up in a home where parents are loving and supportive of each other wholeheartedly.

When the children are old enough the children will try to come between the parents in order to get their way. If the parents are not united the children will take note, and play the parents against each other. Your children must see a strong union between their parents. I am not going to allow myself to be caught up with doing things for my children that will be at the detriment of my marriage.  Are they not enough divorces already?  Yes, many believe that marriages go and come, for the sake of my marriage I am tossing this statement out. I take my vows to my husband seriously, and since my child means the “universe” to me, I won’t let my marriage be so disposable. My children should not come from a broken home. The couple, who dedicate their lives putting the children first, will realize that after the children reaches age 18 or even older leaves to determine their own paths; the marriage will be gone too. I prefer that doesn’t happen.

Everything works out best if your marriage is grounded firmly. For me and my house, in order for a successful marriage it must be grounded firmly in Christ!

Dating Your Husband/Wife

Dating your partner shouldn't stop after you get married.  Marriage should not sentence you to grey hair, chores, nagging and a fun-less life. Keep dating; you will continue to learn about your partner while you enjoy each other’s company. Who knows, might even find reasons to fall in love will each other all over again.  Plan a date night at least once a month, there is so much to do, there are no excuses.

All you need to do is leave the house together. I am not disregarding the idea of staying home to watch a movie or bake together. Once in a while this is fine, but is should not be settled on too frequently.

My top 10 picks of activities to do together

1. Go out to dinner.
2. Discover new things in the city
3. See a movie, at the theater
4. Do a do-over of your first date!!
5. An Ice cream shop is nice too
6. Go shopping! Get something both will enjoy
7. A walk in the park
8. A trip to another country/city/parish/state to do something new
9. Romanic  picnic
10. Visit to couple’s favorite spot “lookout point”

I am open for your suggestions, share your ideas in the comment box provided. 

Is Your Husband Paying for Sex?

Many women would agree that men testosterone surpasses women about 10 times as much. They pretty much wouldn't mind having sex every day. Most women prefer not to every day, they believe there are other things to do. 

The question is, wouldn’t wives be more willing to have sex when the husband’s want if they got paid? Being paid for sex has sigma of prostitution attached to it. The husband’s in some households give their spouse money to “run” the home, if the wife is a stay at home mom; where will that extra money come from to buy other things she need?

Maybe with the paying agreement there will be less fighting. Love alone cannot keep the marriage afloat, love can’t pay the bills right?

I asked myself this question and I came up with several different answers, viewing this issue from varied angles.

Answer #1- Women are being paid by some means or the other. Being it, men investing their time, emotions and even attention to receive what they desire. Maybe there is even bartering buying gifts, men come home with a box of chocolate and some wine; almost guarantee sex later.

Answer #2- Paying for sex is not just a “stigma” in my mind it is the accurate definition. Paying for sex will cheapen your wife, and in my book you are a true bastard. This idea is wrong on many different levels.

Answer #3- Being a husband or wife is more than just playing the role of a playmate. There must be mutual understanding and respect too.  If you supposedly pay your wife for sex out of “love”, very quickly you will realize your wife is losing her respect for you.

Answer #4- The act of sex is consensual. When you pay your wife for sex, is comes across as if she this is the only way she is obligated to make her gross. Somewhat a sex slave for me since my “body” is priceless and my husband wouldn’t be able to afford sex from me. Paying for something that should be free out of love for you makes you pathetic.

Answer #5- Any women who agrees on being paid for sex in my mind is skanky, trashy and cheap. If you can only get sex from your women if she is paid, it’s simple; she doesn't love you!

Talk up Spouse

I have learnt that if you say or do positive things, positive things will return to you. To be happily engaged in a relationship there are a few things I realize that needs to be said to your spouse on a regular basis. Every day for that matter is an excellent move. Below are my top five things to say daily.

I love you

Everybody loves hearing these three simple yet very direct and powerful words. Say it with meaning, not for just saying it sake. Many believe the lie that your spouse doesn’t need to hear this, because your spouse already knows. This is not true!! Still say it, a very pleasant reminder it is.

I am so blessed to have married you!

This one sure does touch your spouse heartstrings. Let him or her know how blessed you are to be afforded the opportunity to spend the rest of your life with the one you love.

You are so handsome/beautiful

Couples that stay happily married are genuinely attracted to each other. This attraction is both physically and psychologically. When you tell your partner how attractive they are it’s a great statement of love. For me, I prefer to hear it from my husband than others.  

Seek Opinions

This demonstrates to your spouse you value his/her opinion. In life your second most trusted advisor is your spouse, God is first. Seeking the opinion of your spouse about problems shows your acknowledging their wisdom and in turn builds a bond between the couple. Well at least this is what I believe.

Point out your Spouse Strengths

I am famous for these words “oh honey you can cook for me any day!” ensure though you are pointing out a true strength. Each day try to find a new strength of your spouse to highlight.

Start these habits ASAP! These little things matters greatly in a marriage. 

Pornography in Marriage

As a wife, if I should discover that my husband is watching porn I would be disappointed, maybe even angry and I would look at him in disgust. It would be a greater issue if he enjoys watching porn more than he does having sex with me.

Many wives would agree with me that pornography viewing is degrading and insulting plus I see it as cheating too, fantasying about other women is cheating mentally. The sad part is that many husbands might not even view pornography use as being mentally unfaithful. Therefore, they won’t understand why their wives are upset.

For several couple watching porn is fine, for me it would tear my marriage apart. Pornography viewing is a real deal breaker for me.

So, I had to do some research on the issue; and I found out that pornography use has direct effect on sexual intimacy between couples. The intimacy level is decreased. I also discovered it is a type of infidelity and it reduces the relationship’s exclusivity. Both husbands and wives see the act as betrayal, because the emotions felt from offline acts are just as authentic as those felt online.  

It’s a personal belief that porn negatively influences you as an individual, and yes your relationships. Since it hurts your loved ones, it is highly likely to build a wall between the couple, driving them apart instead of bringing them closer together. 

For my marriage to be fair, healthy etc I will use my spirituality and religion to guide me on the matter.  Since it’s my choice to rely on God in this decision, pornography use in my marriage is a no no!!

I cannot agree with those who think viewing porn together as a couple is romantic. Why do I need to see another couple get intimate in order for me to feel the need to get intimate too? I am pretty sure there are several other creative options available. A slippery slope for sure!

Positive Side of Interracial Relationships

We are living in a society that’s multicultural, we cannot escape that fact.  I believe it’s an old tradition to “stick with your own kind.” Others believe this too because we are seeing significant growth in these kind of relationships. When these couples integrate the different nationalities and cultures, they are sending a clear message that enough with prejudice, racism and hate.

Interracial relationships offer persons the opportunity to experience, learn and even appreciate diverse backgrounds and cultures.  Interracial couples’ eyes will be open to the beauty of different peoples and nationalities. More significantly, people will learn the true meaning of inner beauty than being so shallow and looking only at the outer shell. This kind of relationships creates harmony between diverse races, strengthening persons, and what is learnt between this relationship enrich the couples.

I won’t argue the fact that interracial couples might have to deal with greater or even the number of challenges that regular couples might have. But it is my personal belief that overcoming these challenges in interracial relationships the couple will become stronger and even more stable.

Love is a very important in all relationships. I am very positive that an interracial couple is capable of deeply loving each other just the same as regular couples. 

Negative Side of Interracial Relationships

Yes I must admit interracial relationships have become very common recently, question is, are they actually working? A relationship is hard enough when two people from complete different backgrounds. Yes it is normal in all relationship to have many challenges. But with added challenges such as different customs and cultures, the communication barrier becomes more difficult. This results in greater misunderstandings, carrying more grief and pain to a relationship.

Not only will interracial relationships cause the individuals involved to be unhappy, it can also affect your family members. Also there might be the challenge with language barriers, limiting how harmoniously the families interact with each other. This might result in broken relationships because of unnecessary conflicts.

If the couple crossed the first bridge and they get married. Different problems will arise. The challenge of deciding which culture the child belong to, the cultural value best for the child, will your child have difficulty coping; because they are being ostracized for being mixed. This may result in your child confused about their heritage and identity.  

It is a matter we try very hard to ignore. Persons from different cultures have many challenges that will cause extra strain on a marriage/relationship. They have different lifestyles, ideas, beliefs, customs and backgrounds. Opposite might attract, however not always. 

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